HOW TO MANAGE ANGER BY PSYCHIC HEATHER
It's true, we all get angry at times. Did you know that anger can be a normal, healthy emotion when dealt with properly. Learn what to ask yourself when you feel angry and how turn a negative reaction into a positive one.
We all get angry. Anger is as much a part of the human psyche as all other emotions. Feeling angry is not something that should cause guilt or shame. It is what one does with the emotion that one may later regret. Anger can cause actions that can result in guilt. Control the actions and eliminate or reduce the guilt and gain self-respect for being a reasonable person who is able to control emotions.
Anger Management
Anger expresses itself in several ways, some healthy and some unhealthy. Part of managing anger is learning to differentiate between the two and choosing to use the healthy expressions.
Managing the emotion of anger has several goals. First of all, it is important to learn that effective anger control involves the body and the mind. Think of the mind/body in holistic terms that interact with one another to such an extent that the two are really one. We can obtain anger cues by paying attention to our body signals and this may help become aware in order to diffuse it.
Clenched fists, tightened jaws, aggressive posture can all indicate anger. It is also important to tell the difference in minor irritations and major catastrophes (if there are such things). Another goal is to learn skills to deal effectively with anger which don't involve violence or brooding and resentment.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
Many other feelings can accompany or even cause anger at times. Learning to identify and deal with these feelings is obviously helpful. Fear, hurt, embarrassment, frustration: all of these emotions can lead to anger. We are prone to playing the blame game when we feel anger as well. It is very difficult to own that we are upset with ourselves so we become upset with others, particularly those close to us. Taking responsibility for one's own decisions and actions will lead to increased self-esteem.
Self-talk is so important regarding anger. We have a constant internal dialogue going on inside our minds. There is a spiritual implication involved in considering who the observer is and who is the observed. We watch ourselves and also have a running dialogue about the behavior we observe.
Questions to Ask Yourself When You Get Angry:
What are you telling yourself about yourself?
Are you telling yourself you are angry?
Are you justifying your anger?
Rationalizing it?
Defending it in some other way?
Why do you feel defensive?
The only one experiencing the emotion is you. So what are you defending?
The Positive Side of Anger
It is also helpful to remember that anger often has positive functions. It can be an energizer. Certainly, Martin Luther King felt anger at the cultural context of his time. He used his anger to energize him to positive action.
Anger can help us express ourselves. I can think of numerous songs, poems, literary works which express a lot of anger. It is good to vent in this way. Anger is also a signal to us that something is wrong in our lives. We feel a need to do something, even if it is only to express ourselves. It can also encourage us to take charge as necessary.
Anger becomes a problem when it is too intense, too frequent, too long in duration, or when it leads to violence. Certainly, if you express anger with outbursts of raising your voice and throwing temper tantrums, this is not effective except for the goal of upsetting yourself and others. Also, if you express anger on a daily or otherwise regular basis, people stop listening.
Choose Your Battles Wisely
Express anger when you need to, then let it go and move on. Don’t allow it to control you for too long...and you really can make this choice even in a physical sense. If your fists are clenched, unclench them, for instance. Change your expression...smile! Finally, violence is never the answer and if you are prone to violent outbursts, you should seek professional anger management counseling.
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